Today is my grandmother's birthday. If she was still here, she would be about 98 years old. She passed in 2002-she was the last of my grandparents and the matriarch of my mother's family. Nanny was an amazing soul. Funny thing I realized today was that so much of her exists within my mom. Not only from the looks but all of the wonderful traits that I have grown to appreciate and sometimes become irritated by. These past few years, since my grandmother's death have been very trying at best. My mother has endured loss, and heartache suffered by the actions of her own daughter and grandson (my older sister and nephew).
One of the traits I have in my personal arsenal is that of giving. Like most women, nurturing is a trait that is unique to the divine feminine energy. The trick is balancing this out pouring of love with boundaries. When is giving too much? When is it necessary to say "no" without guilt? When are you giving too little? These questions come on the dawn of me having discovered my own boundaries and limitations. I become irritated with my mother as she continues to give of herself to both my sister and nephew who for the most part have absolutely no feelings of love in their hearts and especially towards my mother. No matter how much destruction they create in their lives and the lives of my immediate family mother is still there, giving and giving all of herself. I am afraid for her and my fear vacillates between anger and irritation. I see her so sad and worn but still she continues. Martyrdom is the only word that sums it up for me.
I've had to learn that giving all of yourself without a healthy balance of receiving leaves you out of balance. Life/energy balance. While I have not always found balance in work and my own personal life, it is constantly at the forefront of my thoughts. I've had to learn to say "no thank you" to people and things that were not in line with my spirit. It's not an on/off switch but I believe the more aware one is of their boundaries, life will be better for all of those involved even if it seems like tough love is leading the way. The Law of Allowance- yet another strong life pill to use on the road to self mastery. I do not like how my sister and nephew use up my mother. But I have to allow my mother her own life lesson with them. My mother is a very strong woman with a huge, generous heart. Yet another fantastic trait of my grandmother and one I have had the good fortune of inheriting. Allowing; that has become a tough practice, something I wish was inherited. In those moments of bliss when I am totally happy, my divine feminine and masculine spirits are cooperating with one another, my boundaries are strong and I am giving and receiving equally, the feeling is like heaven on earth. My challenge is staying in pocket with this alignment and never letting outside circumstances- people, places or low vibration energies to pull me out of bliss. I've yet to master this as an every day occurrence but every day I work to make this just as effortless as I can. So on this day of celebrating the spirit of my grandmother Marie, I send divine feminine energy to all.
Sending love and light to my grandmother, my mother and sister always.
Love and light to all of you