In days of my recent, never-ending self-reflection, I'm challenged with remembering my perfection in a world of imperfections. The perfect paradigm is that in true reality there is no such thing. On my walk through Venice today, my small still voice whispered loudly enough for me to take note as I questioned God about my current path and my future co-creations. Constant reminders to "be in the now" and "stay fully present" have been my angels' messages as of late but I still find myself in a mental and emotional battle with worry, fear and stress. Knowing that all of these emotions are choices, the will power needed to break these lame habits is much more than I could have imagined. I'm loaded up with every spiritual tool you can name, my intellectual self is clear that happiness, abundance, co-creation, power etc are all things of choice but I still find myself weakened by the dark pull of worry. Brief moments of light find its way to my consciousness. I feel invincible and empowered knowing in my bones that I am clear and I know what I'm doing. My self-confidence is solid and nothing can shake it. Exhale. Moments later, my mind drifts back to the past, consumed by perceived failures and wrong choices which then brings me to the present moment that now becomes only a spring board to that eery future of tomorrow that looks bleak and reminiscent of events past. How can I break this cycle which I see so clearly but seemly have lost control?
My still small voice gently reminded me that right now I only need to go within and remember the love that I AM. Even if it's fleeting, keep going back to that place no matter how ma
Monday, October 7, 2013
|Ms Hill - thank you.....|
Just few short weeks after my last post, I decided to take training to become a Vedic Meditator. As I briefly wrote about my experience in my May post I thought I'd recap again- so good I had to write it twice. :) This version, a bit more candid.
Thanks to my other BFF one fateful day in May, I reluctantly went to a free "open house" to hear about learning to meditate. After studying so many different healing modalities for so long and trying on different forms of meditation that never stuck, I had no intention that this open house would be any different. In my normal beach-casual flyness (hoodie, jeans, sneakers), I ventured 2 blocks away from my house to find a model standing in the reception area posing as the Vedic meditation teacher. As I looked past him while extending my hand to shake his, I was looking for the old, bearded Indian guy dressed in a monk's robe and wearing mala beads. When I finally brought my eyes back to his and he smiled gently with shiny eyes and said "Welcome, my name is Light are you here for the class?" As I shook his hand pleasantly confused I felt a loud crashing thud in my chest. It was so loud I was sure that the model/teacher, my BFF and the people filing in behind me heard it. I smiled, nodded my head yes and slowly heard my BFF start to chat it up with the teacher. CONFIRMED - the model was the teacher. As I signed my name in the guest book I put my heart neatly back in to my chest. I wasn't sure if it was his strikingly good looks or the light auric frequency that caught me so off guard but I was willing to accept that it was both. The lecture started and as the hour passed I knew that I needed to take the course. If this was the "thing" to cure my insomnia and bring me peace, I wanted to try it. I had been drinking wine and popping any kind of sleep aid to make me sleep and nothing was working. My past 4 years have been insane- as I have documented in a few of my fragmented posts here.
|Rt: My offering for initiation; |
Lt: My graduation meditation reminder string
I didn't take the class right then as I wanted to but waited until his next session which was in late June. I had just started a new corporate job and I felt I was finally on the right track with my life for the first time in a very long time. If all of the wonderful benefits of Vedic meditation were really true, life was about to awesome again. I had the best looking guru around, my fabulous new job was underway and a sound night's sleep was waiting for me. I made it through initiation in 4 days and now 100 days in, life couldn't be more different AGAIN. That great corporate gig was done in 90 days, my friendships have shifted yet again, my sensitivities are at an all time high, my blissful nights of sleep have now given way to partial nights of sleep and I'm managing a hip hop artist. The highs and lows in such a short amount of time surely would have made me crazy (er) but I do know that meditation has saved me. The art of surrender letting go and going with the flow are at the forefront of my life class once again.
For more info on my teacher Light Watkins: www.beginmeditating.com
Posted by Dana at 8:31 PM