|part 1 of 4 impact points; small but hurts like hell|
When I got home this evening I knew I had to get to the source of this "running thing." I sat down to meditate and with only just a few minutes in tears came streaming down my face. I realized that I ran track to please my dad. Who knew??!! I wasn't coordinated enough for basketball so I decided to run track to live up to some self-imposed perfect picture that I had to be some great student athlete for my father. My dad always cheered me on for every meet, helped me train in the off-season and was my biggest cheerleader my entire track meet life. I HATED track but never quit for fear of disappointing him. Then I started to have a series of flashes as a young girl doing things and participating in activities because my parents wanted me to and 9 out of 10 was nothing I truly enjoyed. I loved animals, coloring and writing. Doing any of these activities made happy. At an early age I had a unique gift of being psychic which was very much ignored or discouraged. I found solace in animals, coloring and writing. Piano lessons, softball, church plays and the like were all things I was signed up for half -heartedly. I believe all they did came from a place of love with the intention of exposing me to things they did not have themselves growing up. Somewhere along the way, I lost my own voice and I never once rebelled against or said no to anything my parents wanted me to do. So much of my life lessons these past couple of months have been about boundaries and standing in my own power in every area of my life. I've had very strong, boundary-setting conversations with my mother, father and sister lately as well as establishing new boundaries with friends. In an effort to be on purpose I realized that my gifts and talents that I have to offer are only two pieces of life's puzzle. Being clear, being honest, speaking up for myself, honoring my feelings and being integrity with my choices creates the foundation for me to share my gifts and talents.
Hip throbbing and hand still bleeding, I am so thankful for my fall today. I would have never guessed I'd be here writing about this kind of epiphany but I'm glad to finally free myself of a very old story that no longer serves me.